


Are You There God? It's Me Claire Novak

by hullosweetpea



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Glitter, Gratuitous Musical References, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 12:39:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7222669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hullosweetpea/pseuds/hullosweetpea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Eh” – Crowley 	   “<3 <3 <3 <3 <3” – Becky Rosen	   “Not bad” – Marie</p><p>YOU’VE JUST GOT TO PRAY – Claire [Claire Novak, Supernatural] has quite a few things to ask God; and she’ll find her answers in unconventional ways. </p><p>With help from Amara [Amara, Supernatural] she discovers things about herself and others. Featuring the talent of Sam [Sam Winchester, Supernatural], Dean [Dean Winchester, Supernatural], and Castiel [Castiel, Supernatural] and the big man himself: God [Chuck Shurley, Supernatural]. Fun for the whole fandom! </p><p>Hit songs include: "You Know," "God's Exit," and "If You Were Bi"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are You There God? It's Me Claire Novak

**Author's Note:**

> This was such a joy to write! This story features: 
> 
> Rainbow Glitter  
> Claire Novak  
> Musical (Hold Me Closer: The Tiny Cooper Story, a musical novel)

**ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT’S ME CLAIRE NOVAK**

 

**Act I, Scene I:**

 

_Curtain opens. **CLAIRE** sits on the hood of a truck, center stage. Dim lighting and a starry night make the setting. The night sky should be a backdrop hung from the catwalk or something because if not it’ll be a bitch to do the end of _ **“YOU KNOW.”** _And the truck could be real or not depending on the size of the stage, the number of football players you can recruit, and the determination of your props department. Small spotlight on center stage._

 

**CLAIRE**

 

Are you there God…. it’s me, Claire Novak?

 

 _Cue the intro for_ **“YOU KNOW.”** _It starts quiet, but the song progress and crescendos. And sounds like a slightly slowed down version of “Hello!” from_ Book of Mormon _because that song has a really great beat and is a great opener. The “Me llamo Elder White” part gets me every time. But since **CLAIRE**_ _is the only one on stage you don’t need all the bravado of the fast pace version._

 

**[“YOU KNOW”]**

 

**CLAIRE**

 

You know. If you can hear me God.

I’ve heard a lot about you

from my real dad.

 

You know. If you can hear me God.

I wouldn’t really mind you

if it wasn’t for your stupid plan.

 

You know. If you can hear me God.

That thing with Castiel.

The angel of the Lord you sent from up above.

 

The one who possessed my dad

And left me with my worried, anxious mom.

 

You know. If you can hear me God.  

That was all bullshit

And thanks for all the years of therapy.

 

And sure, the angel just came back.

But five years is still too late

With Dean and Sam, cause that’s great.

 

Hunters started this.

Now they try to fix it,

But they really can’t.

 

 **CLAIRE** _leans her back on the windshield. The music slows._

 

Still, I’ve got Jody and Alex

And they’re okay, I guess.

But what will happen next?

 

 _Music fades._ **CLAIRE** _looks up as the spotlight fades. Stage goes black. A small spotlight is focused on center downstage at the scenery. It grows and the backdrop falls along with rainbow glitter (IMPORTANT: DO NOT GET GLITTER IN ACTORS’ EYES) to reveal_ **AMARA**. _She approaches_ **CLAIRE** _and the lights come up._

 

**Act I, Scene II:**

 

**AMARA**

 

You called.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

 _Turns head._ You’re God? _Snorts._ Kinda ruins the whole ‘He’ think doesn’t it, huh?

 

**AMARA**

 

 _Shakes head._ No. _Sits on the hood of the car next to_ **CLAIRE** _._ God is my brother. He’s currently elsewhere. His iPad went off and I decided to take care of a prayer and see what it was like.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

 _Disbelief._ God gets his prayers on his iPad?

 

**AMARA**

 

Yes. He’s terrible about cleaning out his e-mails. Between the influx of prayers and Tumblr updates it’s a mess. _Seriously can you imagine it? I’ve seen people with 1,000+ emails in their inbox and I think that’s overwhelming. Think of Chuck’s. Jesus. Well, actually God._  Yours managed to find its way through. It was marked as important. So, what’s the issue?

 

**CLAIRE**

 

 **CLAIRE** _blinks. Seriously, she’s parked in the middle of nowhere next to God’s fucking sister. Her life really is messed up. Please, please, please can we have Wayward Daughters? Cause that shit will be great._ I don’t know why it would be important. **CLAIRE** _swings her legs against the truck._ It’s no different than anyone else asking God why they’re life sucks.

 

**AMARA**

 

 **AMARA** _frowns._ But not everyone has an angel of the Lord use their father as a vessel.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

What about that time the angels fell. A lot of people were vessels then. I bet they didn’t even get an angel courting them like my dad. **CLAIRE** _turns to face_ **AMARA.** Just how messed up is it up there.

 

**AMARA**

 

Well, it is better than it used to be I will admit. My brother has tried to instigate order in Heaven, but it is going to take some time.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

How come I’ve never heard of you before? God’s sister seems like a pretty big deal.

 

**AMARA**

 

It would be, but who knows, maybe that will change.

 

 _Cue the start of_ **“AMARA”**. _Literally, I’m listening to Pandora’s Broadway Show Tunes playlist and I’ve been struggling on deciding what song should be next and then_ **“ROXIE”** _(the movie version, not a live version) came on and I was just like “hey, that can work”._

 

**[“AMARA”]**

 

_Blackout. Spotlight slowly rises on center where_ **AMARA** _is._

 

**AMARA**

 

Then name on everybody’s lips could’ve been: Amara.

The sister of the big guy upstairs is: Amara.

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen His work.

Ya know before everything went berserk.

 

And they’ll never know just what they missed

when I was locked away.

 

Someday they’ll know my name and pray to me: Amara.

Who says that God can do it on his own?

 

That day will come, when my name will be known.

Until that day it’ll be just me, myself, and I: Amara.

 

_Music fades. Guys, this is so much harder than I imagined, but hell I set out to do this, so you guys are going to get the best damn Supernatural musical with fourth wall breaking commentary._

 

**Act I, Scene III**

 

_Lights up._ **AMARA** _sets back down on the hood of the car._

 

**AMARA**

 

That’s what it’s like now, kid, but times are a’ changing. Dean and Sam Winchester are in the middle of it all.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

What about Castiel?

 

**AMARA**

 

That’s all up to him. God has proclaimed the Winchester to be protectors of Earth, but that doesn’t mean he won’t join. It doesn’t mean he can’t.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

 **CLAIRE** _scoffs._ Yeah, well.  He probably will. Put himself in danger and all. Doesn’t mean that matters or whatever.

 

**AMARA**

 

 **AMARA** _frowns._ You’re contradicting yourself. I thought you cared about him.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

Did you not hear the opening song?

 

**AMARA**

 

Do you not remember when he gave you that Grumpy Cat? You’re attached to it.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

That’s different.

 

**AMARA**

 

I hardly agree. I think you care for him, it’s just hard for you to acknowledge it. You still want to honor your father and you’re afraid that by caring for Castiel you are replacing James Novak. It doesn’t have to be like that. Your father and mother seem very content in their Heaven.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

I guess that helps a little. Doesn’t make me feel better about God though. He’s still a dick.

 

**AMARA**

 

I won’t try and change your views about that. That is for you to decide.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

Thanks for that.

 

_Blackout. Whoever plays_ **CHUCK/GOD** _sneaks out on stage. Lights up._

 

**CHUCK/GOD**

 

I’m only a little late right?

 

**CLAIRE**

 

Who are you?

 

**AMARA**

 

Hello, brother.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

 **CLAIRE** _frowns and punches_ **CHUCK/GOD**. That’s for all the shit you’ve thrown at me.

 

**CHUCK/GOD**

 

I guess I deserve that. But you know, it can be hard to be God sometimes.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

 _Sarcastic._ Really?

 

 _Dramatic up swell. Set to the tune of “When Love Explodes: (Love Theme from_ Hurt Locker: The Musical)”. _When I first heard this song on my_ Hedwig and the Angry Inch _album it was one giant “What the fuck” moment. Googling ensued, and now it’s going to be_ **CHUCK/GOD** ’s _song._

 

**[“GOD’S EXIT”]**

 

**CHUCK/GOD**

 

As the cosmos trailed.

The world was set in motion

Dirt and earth and oceans

rose and were unveiled.

 

It was all a hell.

And soon it was in danger.

Free will had seemed stranger,

but had lifted up the spell.

 

I found happiness in leaving power.

Creation could handle it for days.

There was relief in leaving power.

 

I wasn’t really far.

It wasn’t really hard.

 

And free will will last for eternity.

Free will will last for eternity.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

So praying doesn’t help. Good to know.

 

**CHUCK/GOD**

 

That’s not the point. The point is that free will is the best gift I could ever give creation.

 

**CLAIRE**

 

 **CLAIRE** _sighs._ So, anything else you two all-powerful beings want to tell me.

 

**AMARA**

 

Well, there is one thing that still needs to be addressed. **AMARA** _snaps her fingers._

 

_Blackout._ **DEAN, SAM, AND CASTIEL** _sneak out on stage. Since it’s pretty far in this one-act musical the actors have probably loitered in the dressing room since the beginning and will need to be cued early so they can make it. Clearly, I’m used to high school drama where people are there for the extra credit._

 

**Act I, Scene IV**

 

_Lights up._

**DEAN**

 

What the hell!

 

 _Literally for myself indulgent. I don’t think this song needs much introduction. Thank you_ Avenue Q!

 

**[“IF YOU WERE BI”]**

 

**CHUCK/GOD**

 

If you were bi.

That’d be just fine.

Not a surprise,

for nine seasons.

Because you see,

between you and me,

You’re beyond free

to say you’re bi

(If you are bi.)

 

**DEAN**

 

 **DEAN** _groans_. Are you freakin’ kidding me?

 

**SAM**

 

I don’t think he is.

 

**DEAN**

 

Jesus Christ. **DEAN** _grabs_ **CASTIEL** _by the front of his trench coat and kisses him. Rainbow glitter falls because nobody wanted to mix pink, blue, and purple together and risk getting the herpes of the craft world all over them. Except these poor bastards, I mean actors._ Y’all happy now?

 

**CLAIRE, AMARA, CHUCK/GOD, SAM**

 

Yes!

 

**Act I, Scene V**

 

**CLAIRE**

 

Hey Castiel?

 

**CASTIEL**

 

Yes Claire?

 

**CLAIRE**

 

 **CLAIRE** _hugs him._ I’m glad you’re not dead.

 

 _Last song. The ensemble except for_ **CLAIRE** _stand at the sides of the truck. Spotlight on center stage. This song comes from my latest musical addiction,_ Hamilton. _I have a soft spot for “Dear Theodosia”._

 

**[“HEART WARMING ENDING”]**

 

**CLAIRE**

 

Dear Mom and Father,

I’d like to say to you.

You have my love,

even though it’s been so long.

When you left this world I cried,

and it broke my heart.

 

I’m living with a new family too.

Domestic life has taken some getting used to,

but it’s alright.

They won’t let me fall apart.

Cause family is where it starts.

 

And someday, it’ll be okay.

Maybe even today.

 

 _Fade to black out. House lights up. Everyone on the cast and crew lets out a huge sigh of relief. Makeup is removed. The house gets cleaned up. Cast parties are being planned. Jesus, this whole ordeal was so much more time consuming than I thought it would be. Musicals that were to feature, but it sadly didn’t happen:_ RENT, Mamma Mia!, Cabaret, and Wicked.

**Author's Note:**

> It's that time of the month again: SPN Coldest Hits. For those wondering what musical I crossed this over with you can find Hold Me Closer here. Though I made sure there were plenty of musical references to compensate. Come check out my Tumblr.


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